


Properties of Molecular Cohesion

by dvs



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-07
Updated: 2010-02-07
Packaged: 2017-10-07 02:24:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/60383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dvs/pseuds/dvs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Daniel tries to remember being Daniel and being with Jack.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Properties of Molecular Cohesion

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was written for a piece of [artwork](http://www.tenebris.org/x__art/sg_field_test1.html) at [X Art](http://www.tenebris.org/x__art/).

They stood silently in the middle of the room, looking at each other, unable to say or do anything. Neither could find words that wouldn't sound pointless and repetitive. When both did open their mouths to speak, it was at the same time. They said nothing and laughed, averting each others eyes.

Festive sounds drifted in through the window as the natives continued to enjoy the ushering in of a new cycle and fresh beginnings, their offworld guests having left for their rooms, tired and softened by drink and music.

"Those guys throw a mean party," Jack said nodding towards the window.

Daniel turned his head to look at the window and nodded, his mouth opening to speak, but ultimately staying mute. Somehow it felt lame to say any words that didn't hold some thundering and earth shattering meaning.

He smiled instead, his eyes holding an amount of humor and anxiety. Humor because this was old. Anxiety because it was new. It was new every time they attempted to break through their own fear and reservations. It was new everytime he tried to remember.

After a too long moment of stillness, Jack pulled his cap off and threw it on the bed, his jacket following as Daniel watched. As Jack looked away from the bed, he caught Daniel's gaze; a lake of surface calm with something dangerous underneath. Something Jack knew could pull him under. Something that only made him want to do two things. Run, or stay forever.

Daniel broke the gaze by looking down at his own jacket as he unzipped it slowly and took it off. This time Jack watched with a lingering smile as Daniel held the jacket close to his stomach, unsure of where to put it.

Jack stepped forward and put his hand around the jacket, pulling it forward and bringing Daniel along. Daniel stumbled forward and bumped into Jack. It was a short moment of contact, but it seemed to fire up all the want and need almost instantaneously.

Jack pulled the jacket free of Daniel's grasp and threw it over his shoulder and on to the floor.

Daniel raised his eyebrows and gave Jack a questioning look. "I have to wear that in the morning."

Jack smiled and reached out, slowly pulling off Daniel's glasses and tossed them on to the bed on top of his own jacket.

He grinned as Daniel widened his eyes and then frowned, his face suddenly looking naked and strangely paler, his eyes maddeningly blue with spikes of something Jack wasn't sure was real or a figment of his own imagination.

"And that's my only pair for the moment. I broke the other one when I fell asleep while reading..."

Daniel stopped as Jack hooked his finger in the neck of Daniel's T-shirt and pulled him closer still.

"I was trying to translate those scrolls from that planet... with the... trees and... moss... there was a lot of moss," Daniel's voice was quiet, low.

"Right... moss planet," Jack said as quietly, as if someone else in the room might hear them.

Their eyes found each other and for a moment they felt themselves stuck in time. Everything seemed to stop moving. No sound. No breath. No thoughts. It was a perfect timeless moment which discarded the past and blocked the future. All that mattered was the here and now. Outside of this moment, nothing existed.

Jack took a small step forward, simultaneously pulling Daniel closer. He felt the warm breath as he moved in, his head tilting and his hand scrunching up Daniel's T-shirt. His lips had barely touched Daniel's, just the lightest touch of skin on skin and Daniel laughed and turned his face away, leaving Jack with a view of his cheek.

"Something funny?" Jack said, a frown on his face as he stepped back.

Daniel looked back with an embarrassed grin. "No. Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm obviously... uh... sorry. You want to? Again?"

Jack's frown deepened. "No. What?"

"Nothing. Really. I... I just... well..." Daniel said trying to hold back a smile.

"For a linguist you're not making a lot of sense."

"Yeah. Sorry. We could... try again. Sorry," Daniel laughed again, and it made something warm open up in Jack. How often did Daniel laugh mischievously about anything? How often did Daniel laugh?

Jack nodded. "Okay. Second try. Let's go."

Jack's lips head for Daniel's a tad quicker than before. Daniel brought his hand up just before their lips touched and pushed Jack's face away.

"Uh... Daniel?"

"Let's go?"

"What? You want a countdown?"

"No. That's even worse than 'let's go'."

"Then what?"

Daniel shrugged. "I don't know. Just not 'let's go'."

Jack grinned.

"What?"

"Nothin'."

Daniel rolled his eyes. "What?"

"Daniel Jackson. The big romantic."

"Jack. Even an icicle would object to 'let's go'."

"Okay. How about... let's get it on?"

Daniel's face became stern, but he couldn't hold the look for long and broke out into a smile. "'Let's go' will be fine," Daniel said with a raise of eyebrows.

Jack nodded in agreement and went in for the kill, a little slower than the last time.

And their lips touched, slowly, tenderly. Jack pushed forward slightly, like a quiet question. Daniel laughed against Jack's mouth. Jack pulled back and a gently shoved Daniel away.

"O-kay."

"I'm really sorry. It's just..."

"Weird?"

"A little."

"Odd?"

"Slightly."

"I guess making out with your C.O. could be considered funny."

"Well, apparently it's making one of us laugh," Daniel said.

Jack sighed and stepped back. "It's not gonna happen is it?"

Daniel sighed, smiling, and shrugged. "Never does."

Jack shook his head in silent disappointment and walked around Daniel to sit on the bed. Daniel turned to watch Jack after a few seconds of staring at the wooden planks of the floor.

Jack was sitting there on the edge of the bed, staring out of the window, his hands hanging limply between his legs and eyes fixed ahead.

Daniel walked over and sat down beside Jack. They both stared long at the large white moon that hung low in the inky blue sky, stars sprinkled across it like glitter on velvet.

Daniel squinted as he looked at the slightly blurred points of light in the sky. Perhaps not stars on a blanket of black. Perhaps holes in the fabric of the universe through which something bigger and brighter was peering at them. Like space peepholes, with amused eyes looking on at two spinning particles that seemed to move towards each other and still never came close. Could never come close. They could only want it.

"I wonder which one's Earth," Daniel said after a while.

Jack pointed out in front of him to a space left of the moon. "See that bright one? It's in there somewhere."

Daniel turned and frowned at Jack. "Really?"

Jack smiled. "Dunno. Might be."

Daniel laughed, relishing this gentle teasing side. "Right."

He turned back to the window and the bright white eye that was the moon. It seemed absurd for the moment that he and Jack had been doing this dance for so long. Building up the courage to feel and then running away frightened. Moving and never getting anywhere. There was always the fear that even if they could hide from regulations, colleagues and friends, they couldn't hide from fate. The demon force that could seperate anything no matter how much you didn't believe in it.

"I'll take you fishing," Jack said suddenly. "The sky's just like that. Stars everywhere. It's even better if you sleep outside. Near a campfire. You'd like it."

It tore at Daniel how Jack was so sure that he knew what Daniel would like. It cut deep that Jack was right. And beyond that, every possibility made him sad. He thought about himself and Jack years down the line. Retired and unrequired. Jack would want to be fishing, sipping a cold one and sitting in his deck chair pretending not to think about anything when the reality was that he never stopped thinking. Daniel saw it in those warm eyes on occasion, darkness flitting by like a ghost that sometimes cast a shadow on the rest of his face.

And what would a retired Daniel Jackson do? What would he want? Daniel wanted to spend the remainder of his life squinting up into a merciless sun with hot sand burning through the soles of his shoes. He wanted to feel the burn of a desert wind and he wanted his hands submerged in the earth's record of death and decay.

The future saw everything moving away from each other and letting go. All that mattered was the here and now.

Daniel looked at Jack who was still staring out of the window. "Don't you get enough of sleeping outside on missions?"

Jack smiled. "No. It won't be like missions."

The corner of Daniel's mouth quirked up in a smile as he looked down at his hands. "I'd like that."

Jack continued to stare out of the window quietly. Daniel stared at a small red scratch on the back of his hand, a thin dotted line of tiny red scabs. He tried to remember when he could have acquired the scratch as he ran a finger along it, feeling the small scabs. It had him stuck on occasion how something that looked small could feel so big. It was as if his mind couldn't compute what his fingers felt and his eyes saw. As if the messages from his fingers came to a fork in the road and chose the path to frightening awe instead of understanding. The universe had become a transfixing place and on most days it frightened him. Daniel wondered if anyone could see the panic beyond his calm.

Daniel looked up to his left where a candle lamp stood on the bedside table. Daniel got up slowly, walked over to it and he blew it out. The light in the room dimmed, one candle still flickering away on the other side of the bed.

He sat back down on the edge of the bed as Jack watched him. Jack kept watching him, but Daniel's eyes never came up to meet his. Instead he placed his hand on Jack's thigh, spreading it out and letting the warmth seep into his palm. After a moment he looked up at Jack.

Jack's eyes were lowered, fixed on Daniel's mouth. He brought up his left hand behind Daniel's back, scrunching up the T-shirt in his hand as he moved forward. Jack's other hand trailed upwards, absently rubbing his thumb on the skin where his hand closed around Daniel's forearm.

When Jack looked up, it was straight into a judging bright cobalt gaze.

"Gonna laugh?" Jack asked quietly.

Daniel shook his head slowly. "No. Are you going to run?"

"No."

"Liar." Daniel said, his eyes ever so slightly sharper for a moment.

Jack brought his hand to Daniel's face and let it trail down slowly, thumb brushing the jawline and fingers finally settling on Daniel's neck as he moved in closer.

"No turning back," Jack whispered.

Daniel nodded and closed his eyes as Jack's gaze lowered to Daniel's expectant mouth.

"Good," Daniel murmured.

Silence. No breathing. Not even a heartbeat.

A loud banging on the bedroom door jolted Daniel and Jack apart.

"Sir! We just spotted a glider!" Sam's voice slid between Daniel and Jack like a thick pane of glass.

"On my way!" Jack shouted back as Daniel stared at him, his face expressionless.

"Sir, we can't find Daniel."

"Go get Teal'c. I'll find Daniel," Jack said, all the while his eyes fixed on Daniel.

"On my way Sir," Sam said, the sound of her receding footsteps following.

It only became apparent then that the festive sounds from outside had disappeared into panic. They hadn't even realised. As soon as they had moved towards each other, they had become cacooned in silence. Now they both sat quiet and still, staring, but not talking. It was only for a matter of seconds, but in the here and now, the moment spread beyond an unbearable infinity.

Jack leaned back across the bed to pick up Daniel's glasses. Daniel took them from Jack silently, putting them on as Jack quietly picked up his jacket and pulled it on. Daniel got up from the bed and walked away to retrieve his jacket, which still lay in crumpled pile on the floor. He put his jacket on with his back towards Jack, his mind completely focusing on the task of zipping it up.

Jack pulled his cap on with a belated sigh as he watched Daniel's rigid back. Moments ago they had almost been underneath each other's skin and now they stood miles apart. The room grew chilly and Jack felt himself cool along with it.

Daniel picked up his handgun from the dresser and checked the clip as Jack walked up to Daniel's side and picked up his P90. Moments ago the weapons had faded into the dark corners of the room and now suddenly they were back again with the rest of ugly chaos.

Jack checked over the P90 and headed out. Daniel looked up from the handgun, watching Jack walk out of the door. He placed the gun in its holster as he willed himself to move from where he stood. The body was stubborn and difficult. It felt too much. Disappointment and hurt could weigh it down so much that it could keep breathing, but never move again. The body wasn't at one with his mind. He couldn't think himself into existence. He couldn't think himself across distance. His mind said move, but the body said his heart ached and he couldn't move.

Everything in the universe was moving apart. Everything was cooling. And in the middle he stood and watched.

Jack's figure filled the space in the doorway. Daniel didn't look away. Daniel's eyes held Jack's gaze as he walked slowly back into the room and stood in front of Daniel.

"Hey," Daniel said quietly.

"Stuck?" Jack asked.

Daniel nodded with a small smile. "A little."

Jack reached out tentatively and pushed Daniel's glasses up. "I missed you. Still do."

Daniel grabbed Jack's hand as it withdrew. "I miss you too."

Jack looked at Daniel's hand wrapped around his. Strong, tight and hard. Real.

"We're not really touching you know. Nothing is. We're just pretending. I've seen it. Miles and miles of space We just float around each other," Daniel said, his voice low, as he looked at their joined hands, tightening his hold as memories flashed through his mind of miniature universes buzzing with activity.

"Miles and miles, huh?" Jack said, his tone more gentle than Daniel could ever remember, "Daniel. I don't think there's that much space between us."

Daniel let go of Jack's hand and looked at the palm of his own, almost a bright red, as if it was burning hot, although he felt cold. He always felt cold.

Jack clasped a hand around Daniel's shoulder. "Hey. Quit weirding out on me."

Daniel looked up and nodded. "I'm fine. Sometimes I just forget who I am."

"You're Daniel Jackson. A guy who thinks nothing of making chicken noises in front of people he's never met before. You're stubborn. You argue and care about a helluva lot of stuff. Oh and you keep buying fish even though they always die because you're never around to feed them."

Daniel frowned. "They're not supposed to float?"

Jack raised an eyebrow. "And you have a very twisted sense of humor".

Daniel smiled. "Thanks."

"For what?" Jack said as he let his hand fall away from Daniel's shoulder.

Daniel shrugged. "I don't remember. Yet. But something."

Jack nodded. "Come on. We gotta get out there. Let's go."

Daniel nodded and stepped beside Jack as Jack turned towards the door. Funny how the body seemed to ignore him on occasion. Funnier still that it listened to Jack O'Neill.

**\- the end -**


End file.
